Thursday, August 22, 2013


RIP Woven Wedges- Another "Sole" Mate

How long did we know each other? 2 years? 3?  You know, it doesn't even matter.  You meant the world to me, you were my go-to shoes when I wanted to-go. My "flip flops". My version of birkenstocks.  When in doubt, I'd throw you on and you'd pull any outfit together, instantly.  You made my calves look their best.   You were aces in my book.  When I needed were there.  When I needed a touch of floral were there.  When I needed were there.  When I needed were there. When I had a great were there.  When I needed to run to the mail/outside/grocery store/lunch/dinner/school pick up and drop off/beach/pool/ were. there.  

Don't get me wrong, I know we always didn't see eye to eye.  You didn't always want to be my fave.  I'd sometimes see your trepidation in my choosing of you, my dearest wedge.  I saw you thinking "but, I don't match with what you're wearing"! and/or "your toes are toe' up, please wear closed toed shoes", and/or "me? again?".  I know you were teased and taunted by jealous other shoes in the closet. "Goody goody two shoes" they'd say.  That red stilletto, the bully, would hauntingly whisper "waiting for the other shoe to drop".  Or those bitchy black wedges would whine "you think you're always a shoe-in".    Don't think I didn't know, and I'm sorry I had to put you in that predicament.  No shoe wants to be THAT shoe.  
You brave little sole. 

I've never been as sorry as our last days together though.   I will always cherish our last outing, hiking in Hawaii.  How you balanced on those rocks, held me high above the surf, how you allowed me to be fashionable amidst flip flopped folks.  How you were you and we were us.

 I feel guilty, I do.  Had I not pushed that last step to see the damn crab, had I not tried to climb higher to get a glimpse of the sunset, had I just been more considerate, you may be still be around.  You gave your life for me....for my ankle.  I took a rare misstep and you held me together at your expense.  When I heard that *snap* and *crrrunch*, I knew.  My heart sank.  My feet cried.  I held the tears in.  I knew you were done.  I knew we....were done.

(I can barely look at this picture).

Sigh.  I miss you, already.  I went to get dressed today and went to grab you and you weren't there.   It hasn't even been three days and I miss you.  So farewell my friend, I bid you adieu.

We'll always have Hawaii.  Mahalo, Friend. 

Friday, July 26, 2013

Summer lovin' happened so faaaast...

Something interesting happened to me today.  I realized how I have somehow stepped over a new threshold of mother/parenthood.  A new world, it seems.  Something that I hadn't truly noticed that had happened because it seemed so gradual and so sloooooow moving. 

The last two days, I've been taking the girls to organized play places, like the ones where you pay admission to go to and you go bring snacks, a change of clothes, diaper bag, cameras, and your fellow 'mom' friends.  I haven't done this in a long time because even though I have young(ish) children, they're both in school now, so our weekday mornings aren't left to our imagination anymore.  It's all cool, the girls are so happy while learning and flourishing at school versus just at home. In the summer, its a different story and the city is once again our play place.  It's been fun to check out our old stomping grounds and find new spots. 

What I observed in myself AND in others was eye opening.  The mom that I am today as one of a 7 & 5 year old is markedly different than the mom I was when the girls were 2 & 0 or 3 & 1 or even 4 & 2.  I remembered today who that person was.  I saw (old) me in them.   The doe eyed, anxious, casually dressed, booger cleaning, snack packing, diaper checking, milestone comparing, hooter hiding, recipe exchanging, baby chasing, nap time lusting, and morning time activity filler.   I mean, I've written entries upon entries about these experiences.....mommy dating, potty training, nursing, spitting up, play dates good, play dates not-so-good, goofy stories (Oh wait, I still do that ), pictures pictures and more pictures. What I noticed was that I had blogged about these new experiences voraciously early on and I couldn't wait to share the next experience/interpretation of what it was like to have two small children in the world.  It was so new to me, so mind blowing.  I've done a ton of stuff it my life, experienced a lot, been open to life and the world and people.  Unafraid and brave of all that this life had to offer.

Having children and staying at home with them was the most (hands down) humbling experience ever.  Brought my ass to its knees.

What I've noticed throughout the years is that the blogging has dwindled (as we got busier, as THEY got busier) and the posts became more about me and how I could focus on that "me". The dawn has broken, my friends.  I am now thinking about returning to me.  Back to Barbie.  Albeit an eternally changed (and ever changing) Barbie, but, Barbie nonetheless.  I can enjoy my girls, fully.  I don't have to worry about trivial bodily functions as much.  I know they can hold their pee if need be, I know they can have a snack from CVS in a pinch and I know that they are fully aware what either taking away a privilege or time out really means.  I also am deeply aware that this is when things start to slip past you.  This is what people say when they used to tell me (which I hated EVERY TIME SOMEONE TOLD ME), "it goes by like a blink of an eye".  It feels like (get ready for an old time reference which if you get, you're my pal forever) I've been pushing my volkswagon bug to get it to a speed where you can just jump in and put it into second gear.  It just starts to go.....ignites....starts to drive...on its own.  This is where I feel I am at right now.  So many years of pushing the VW, and I've just put it into second gear.

 So, I leave this blog post saying (to myself, mostly) to ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY and SAVOR and ENJOY this time in my parenting life, where I can come up for air.  Where I don't feel like I'm in the trenches so much.  Where I can appreciate where I've come from and where we're headed.  I know that there is another hard part to come.  I know this.  Teenage angst and rebellion and just plain 'being' is a difficult (and developmentally appropriate and necessary) age to be a part of, as the person going through it or as the parent.

As a Miamian, I'd like to compare this time to the eye of the hurricane.  As anyone who has been involved in the magnitude that is a hurricane knows that there are three parts to it.  As it passes over you, it has the first part, the storm, the water, rain, sounds, sights, scary, new.  Then the second part, as the eye passes over you.  Quiet, clear, calm, but temporary.  The third part is the other side of the hurricane, similar to the first.  Storm, water, rain. 

Enjoy the ride, stock up on supplies as best you can and know that all of it is a gift. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


So, I'm laughing at a few things here.  1. the fact that my friend had to tell me to blog about this and I was like "oh, yeah, this isn't normal", and 2. that I apparently adore all that is multi-tasking.  Now,  I don't say this as a braggart, but, more like a revelation to me (yet again....I know I've blogged about this before).  As a parent mother (woman) you tend to use that beautifully large corpus callosum to its fullest....we women conceptualize differently, communicate differently, do most things....differently than men. Without getting too nerdy -when it comes to women - the corpus callosum, the white matter tract, connecting the two brain hemispheres, allowing our intercommunication - is much wider.  Don't send me emails asking me to prove this research, look it up yourself.  And (as an aside) it has been a subject of debate in the scientific and lay communities for over a century, soooo, just roll with it for my blog post :)

While your amazing husband/partner can tend to ONE thing really well, you can do 8 at an 80% (A solid grade of a B). 

So......while your husband excels at things like...........

and this......

and this......

and this......

and really showing off during Stanley cup.....doing this....

You're doing everything else :)

Back to impetus for blog post.

I've gotten my eyebrows waxed while Moby wearing my newborn on my chest, I've breastfed a baby while pooping, yes, pooping, I've changed a newborn baby's diaper with one the dark, I have finagled left, right and center with the two I heart. It's always out of necessity, not truly a preference.  Apparently, my skills are transferable.  Today trumped it all.

I was on a conference call in which I actively participate in......while intermittently hitting the mute button.......while I was getting a laser hair removal treatment.  A Brazilian.  

I'm going to just leave it at that, not elaborate any further. 

What I was reminded of?  Baby need not be present for the mad skills :) 

No pictures of any of this because well, as you mommas one takes pictures of us! Well, certainly not during a Brazilian....that'd be creepy.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Sister Summer Stints

School has been out for a week and half and we're having a grand ol' time!  Everything is more relaxed, more fun and less stressed.  We haven't hit a lot of our summer list yet, but, there's time.  My brazen two are open for new adventures and honestly, so am I.  I *just* bought an archery groupon (see last entry) and we'll be doing that next week!!   Oh and weirdos out there, don't steal my pictures, k?  Thanks :)

Sidewalk Scarfing

almost Swimming

Stylish Skating

Specific Snacking

 Spent Swinging

Shooting the.....breeze

 Slurping (on opposite day, its a tea party)

Scholarly Studying

Cinematic Surveying

Stringing and Strategizing

 Standing Stripes

 Stenciling & Socializing

Snarling doggy Superstructures

Striking a Spirited pose (Go Astros!!)


I'm sapped.

Set off and Savor your Summer!!!!!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Reason #46 why groupons rock

First, please, watch a minute or two of this....

Now, doesn't that make you go "WHOA"!!!  "Awesome"!!  "I'm buying the next groupon I see!!!!"??

Omgosh,  Me. Too.   In fact that is exactly what I went and did.  Bought a g-pon for parkour.  Oh you don't know what parkour is?  You think its practicing occultists or sorcery on your screen, don't you?  Well, this is what is called Parkour or l'art du d├ęplacement.   "Practitioners aim to move quickly and efficiently through their environment using only their bodies and their surroundings to propel themselves, negotiating obstacles in between. Parkour is non-competitive. It may be performed on an obstacle course, but is usually practiced in a creative (and sometimes playful) reinterpretation or subversion of urban spaces. Parkour involves 'seeing' one's environment in a new way, and imagining the potentialities for movement around it". Thanks Wikipedia, (what DID we do before Wikipedia.....oh yeah, I remember the Encyclopedia Brittanica).

So, I bought it, registered, signed the waiver (that seemed to say "if I bust my ass, I relinquish any right to a lawsuit because.....well, sorry, there really shouldn't be an IF, you will bust it"), made a reservation for an outdoor class in our beautiful downtown and went on my merry way to z class (my fake french accent for Parfaux).  I was early, had all of my documents scanned and emailed to the instructor, had my workout wear.  Dude, I was ready to bust my ass do this!  I wanted to leap tall buildings in a single bound, I wanted to creep up the side of railings like a cat or play leap frog with cement.

As soon as the class began I knew that I would NEVER, EVER, be able to do any of that.  Like, never. Ever.  Had I started training in my mother's amniotic fluid then maybe and then just a big maybe.   The funny part to me was that I did not hurt myself.  I mean, I wasn't even good enough to hurt myself....are you understanding me???? Like, my movements were like a record on 33 rpms, so it never got dangerous or anything.  I was moving like a snail.    The instructors were incredibly patient and awesome and I had a great ass time.  I really loved it. I was actually looking forward to the next outdoor class!  It was fun and different and got my body moving differently than usual.  I waved au revoir to my new friends and took my sweaty, yet super giddy self home to tell Michael all about it.

The next day, I went to the park to walk.  My friend didn't show up so I was on the trail by myself. I saw this bench calling my name.  I was going to practice what I had learned, on that lonesome bench.  I had this. 

Cue in the ass busting.

Oh my god.  ouch.  I managed to scrape/bang/bruise/wallop my right shin on some new move tomfoolery. I could barely walk the rest of the way to the car.  What a dummy, I was.  Typical day in the life of me, though.  Thinking I can master something, INSTANTLY.  Wrong, once again, Babs.

 I needed these for a couple of days

and I couldn't even shave over the patch of red/black/yellow.  It was all just a big misunderstanding between my leg and the bench.

Anyhow, that was a whole month ago and I am now healed and ready to go back to the class.  I am, however, going to finish out my groupon and go back to the safety of my.........


Monday, June 10, 2013

Bar-b 101

My percent chemical composition breakdown...........

20%     C8-H10-N4-02 (coffee)

20%     C6-H1-206 (glucose and fructose) + 
            C2-H5-OH (Ethanol)    

5%       H20

35%     A-W-E-S-O-M-E

20%     80's commercial jingles

Friday, June 7, 2013

Momma Moody and the not so bummer Summer

So, it's SUMMER BREAK over here!!!  Yes, the girls' last day of school was yesterday and boy are we all happy.  Lazy mornings, no strict routines, being able to watch Kitchen Nightmares together at night, basically just all around good and relaxed time.  I ASSumed my daughters would be dialed in to this feeling this morning.  Well, they were, SUN dialed in.  Those little jerks girls that I heart were all up in my business at 6:57am this morning.  Apparently, in my haste, I had not CC'd them on the Leisurely Summer memo and hadn't filled their chill pill Rx in time (same Rx and memo that I always forget on Weekends).  Not only were they in my bedroom at this time, but, Athena had already compiled what they wanted their summer to look like.  As you may remember from last year (wait, maybe I didn't blog about it...ooops...shoulda) Athena's list (when she was 6) included 12 things, some were things like 1. learning a new language that uses symbols like Chinese, 2. reading the bible. the whole thing, 3. learning how to make a french braid, and 4. watching the entire Thriller video. The whole thing.  We did about half of the list last year.  None of the things mentioned, but, the other more attainable things like go swimming, go visit North Carolina, go ice skating.

Now, the list this year seemed more reasonable.  Including things like going fishing, learning the words to a song and performing it, and eating a dish from a different country everyday.  The ONE thing that seems to have carried over from last summer to this summer was the Thriller video watching.  She had this illustration at the end of her list.............

I asked her what she was doing in the picture, she said "watching the video and there is super glue underneath my butt so that I do not get up from the chair".

Saylor's list included having dance parties, going to Hawaii, eating at Crave cupcakes every MWF, and having a lot of playdates "that you always promise but we never do" with friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, I actually did wake up jazzed for Summer, gotta tell you.   I immediately wanted to do something not on the list. We've toyed with the idea of going blackberry picking at some point.  We'd missed it twice before before of timing.  One time we'd driven ONE HOUR to the strawberry fields and they were EMPTY and the fields were barren and had all been picked.  The owner was all "you shoulda called" and I was all "yeah".

Anyhow, luckily both of my girls go with the flow, so they were stoked after I CALLED and the blackberries were ready for us to go pick them..  I mean, we go to farmer's markets all of the time and joined a co-op (THIS one) so they understand the role/function of the supermarket and what it all means.  It seemed (like everything else) like a teachable moment, I wanted them to actually see what a farm looks like and how it feels to pick fresh fruit and how differently it tastes.   And so that's what we did. We headed out to a local farm that was about 40 min away from our house.  We arrived and other gung ho families were there getting their blackberry pickin' on.  There was a system that the owner/farmer had created and it seemed to work well for us.  Instructions given, buckets handed out and sunscreen applied.  We. were. doing this.

After....mmm.....12 minutes...we'd had our fair share (pun intended) of blackberry fun.  It was hot, not many were actually ripe enough for picking, and there were Texas sized hornets and beetles and insects.  It was really fun though.  It was great to be amidst nature and watching the girls get excited when they picked a nice, dark, ripened, juicy, succulent berry.  We saw the blackberry flower, then the green bud and then the pink/red berry and finally the ripened blackberry.

So, all in all, it was fun!  It was 40 minutes there, 40 minutes there, 40 minutes back.   Our first two hours of summer vacation, done!

Now, off to our Japan inspired lunch.   Day one, half way done, just 80 more to go :)   

Friday, May 31, 2013

Ease on down, ease on down the roooooad

So, I'm into music.  All types.  As long as there is musicality in it, I'm good.  I'm especially into metal.  So much so, I call myself a fancy metal head (isn't that cute?).  My husband is the one who turned me on to it years ago, so we'll call him Mr. Fancy Metal Head.  List that we enjoy.....Alternative metal, Death metal, Christian metal (that I may comically call Resurrection Metal.  JC, don't be angry, you gave me this humor), sludge metal, industrial metal and  finally the ironic mathcore metal (ironic in that the actuary  in the family ((and his fancy wife)) listen to it).  I mean Math Metal?  It is a rhythmically complex and dissonant style of metalcore. Both math rock and mathcore make use of unusual time signatures.  We're actually going to a concert tomorrow night of a band called Killswitch Engage.  Doesn't that sound fun? :)

This post is sooooo not about Metal though.

It's about me driving to the jiffy lube in my car doing this ala Office Space


I got to the place for my emissions test and the music was loud and I was head pumping, steering wheel thumping, hand wavin', dropping it like it was hot (while seated, which is even hotter).  The guy (who was black, by the way) was all smiles (maybe in a ridiculing sort of way, but, I don't really care).  He said "good morning to you" and I said "and to you, kind sir" (in just that accent you read it in).  He laughed and I laughed. 

Then, as I walked past him, I saw this......

and then did what any self respecting person would do......I rubbed the tree stump for good luck!  Hello?  Showtime at the Apollo??  That man about lost his mind.  He laughed and laughed and I swear he checked out my ass to see if I had one because I HAD to be black.  Nope, flat 'ass' can be.

So, that was the beginning of my morning.  How was yours?

Wednesday, May 29, 2013


Efficiency efficiency efficiency is my modus operandi.  I've always taken great pride in this, and still do.  Why do ONE thing at a time, when you can do THREE, right? Recall this blog post ?

Well, what I may have come to realize is that I may be, perchance, a lazy sod disguised in said 'efficiency'.

I mean, I am of the belief that if you don't ask the answer will always be NO, right?  It all started years ago when my nemesis (clean clothes in the dryer) was ridiculing me from the INSIDE of the dryer (heartless bitch, I know).  I had our fantastic babysitter come over one night.  She does a great job taking care of our children, and that is it (like she doesn't cook or clean or whatever).  As she walked into the house that night, I could hear (in a Tell Tale Heart sort of way) the taunting going on from the dryer. You'll never fold me.....wrinkles are cool.....I've been sitting here for daaayyyyssss.......your husband knows that you have dried me again and're not fooling anyone.......      It was awful, and loud.  As we walked out the door of our house I pulled the sitter aside and said "please, fold my clothes and put it away. I know its not your job, but, I'll pay you an extra $5", she said "sure"! That my friends was the beginning of the end.  It fed right into my doers vs buyers mode, 'member this blog post?

Well boys and girls, I've hit a new "level of efficiency", so to speak. 

I bought this beauty....

and put it up on the kitchen counter.  I think I bitched a little at myself for buying it whole, but, I saved so much money buying it this way!  I wasn't going to get all caught up in the up selling of already cut up watermelon, what a racket.  Well, the watermelon lingered on my counter, longingly wanting to be part of one of our desserts, taken to school for lunch, or even infused in vodka (my other M.O.).  I hadn't gotten around to preparing it, cutting it, cleaning up the sticky, fructose'y mess that all of that juice would leave on my counters and probably floors.  So, it sat there.  Until, *light bulb*, I had an idea.  I had my housekeeper coming over today.  I like to leave when she arrives, so that she doesn't wonder why the hell I can't clean my own damn house.  Well, I left her a note today, next to the watermelon that read "please prepare me", well, more like "Por favor, cortar y preparar".  I wrote that note and bolted out of my house like a meth head.  The audacity.

I hope I get home and find it looking like this....

or in all honesty, like this........

Lazy :)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Sure beets dying

Dear Consumer,

Please refrain from crying when you see your blood tinged urine in the toilet.  It'll scare the shit out of you and make you make an appointment with your doctor.  You won't think of us because you just won't.    Don't fret though, it's just us and what we do.



PS- Our good friend, 

wanted us to 'pass' on a message to you too.  They'll make you think something has died in your urinary tract and you will feel as though you're expelling it through your urethra. Don't fret, it's just what they do.

PSS- Thanks and keep up the healthy eating!

And because I do what I do, here are the links to the facts about these two things Beets and Asparagus :)

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Bada Bing Badge

So, I've been buying your kids' stuff for years.  I've bought candles, flower bulbs, gift wrap, chocolate bars (with the $1 off pizza hut coupon), popcorn, magazine subscriptions, cookie dough, girl scout cookies, etc.  I've really bought it all.  I mean who doesn't, first off, like to pay retail plus plus for things and also who doesn't want to see their friend's kid win an opportunity to get a pencil or a pizza party?  Right???  Right.

So, it's MY turn.  As you know from THIS post, we're now involved in the mafia, er, cult, er club, er...Girl Scouts!  It's cookie time, y'all!  So, I was doing some math and I figured that your best bet using the CPC method (formula used was cost per cookie) for your four dollars are the Shortbread cookies, at $.10 a cookie and you're worst bet (there's a tie) is the Caramel deLites (formerly known as Samoas and MY FAVORITE) and Peanut Butter Patties at $.27 each.  Eat slowly, y'all.

In all seriousness, they ARE delicious and only sold once a year. "And are a girl-led business, where girls can develop five essential skills
  • Goal setting
  • Decision making
  • Money management
  • People skills
  • Business ethics
During cookie activities, girls are members of a team working toward a common goal, with each girl striving to do her best. Girls set cookie goals to support their chosen activities for the year, like funding community service projects, attending summer camp or even traveling. So when your local Girl Scouts come calling with this year's best-selling cookies, remember you're saying hello to tomorrow's business leaders".   Thanks, GS website!!

Now, times are a changin' though and you must keep up.

Now, you're jonesing these cookies I so deliciously sold in my post, and you don't know how to get them (obviously you're an agoraphobe and don't step foot out of your house into places like the supermarket or a church)?  No problem.   There is a girl scout cookie finder app for your iPhone.  Yep. Girl Scout Cookie Finder uses your iOS device’s GPS to track down cookies for sale around you. The app brings you listings of places you can procure Girl Scout cookies by proximity and provides addresses, phone numbers, and directions.

What did you say?  You're afraid of having left over girl scout cookies in your house? NO problem, here is a link for 10 clever recipes for girl scout cookies including this one for Grasshopper Milkshakes....

So, hit me up on facebook, or comment on this blog post so that I can get you your coveted and beloved girl scout cookies!!!

and remember..........

and of course, this little ditty I absolutely love...

Friday, February 15, 2013

I love you Beary much

So, apparently, I've become somewhat of a 'seasonal' blogger.  Holidays seem to be my bloggy muse and perfect fodder for my thoughts to paper...or screen.   Anyhow, it's Valentine's day or it was yesterday.  I was reevaluating the whole "holiday" thing in my head as I thought about what my daughters would give their classmates and what I would give my partner, Michael etc.  I thought, "damn.  another holiday I have to share with my kids"!  

Halloween is all theirs now (when I clearly ((and hazily)) remember a deliciously decadent time when it wasn't and I could wear extra slutty clothes and no one bat an eyelash.  Now, you'd be THAT mom, the one that wears the slutty clothes and that doesn't understand how *insert whiny voice here* Halloween is for kids). 

Christmas.....theirs, when once it was...totally yours.  

Even St. Patrick's Day has gone to the kids.  No more drunken debauchery, pub crawls, green beer, slutty clothes (apparent theme), etc.  Now its green food coloring added to pancakes, corned beef and cabbage IN A CROCK POT (which I never had before kids either), shamrock sugar cookies and things like this.....

Anyhow, this post was sparked by a commercial I saw and nearly died laughing.  I'm sure you've seen it before and have heard of the company.  I've never watched a commercial and thought to myself "I am NEVER buying that thing".    It was like a commercial, on opposite day. 

If I ever received this as a gift, I would be 1. scared, 2. angry that there was $100 spent on this, 3. truly befuddled by my "friend" or "husband" that bought this for me and 4. giving it away to salvation army, stat.  And scared.

Anyhow, enjoy my friends....

Please tell me what the marketers were thinking?  What would you do if given the gift of bear? 

Anyhow, we're simple at my house.  Homemade gifts and all of that stuff.  Plus, Michael and I  can't even go out on this day because I have a Plan A, Plan B and Plan C babysitters and they're all cute, young girls with boyfriends, so they're actually busy doing Valentine's Day things, that are non kid related and can't babysit for us.  Plus, we're fiscally conscious (thrifty, miserly, frugal) and think it is silly to designate this "special" day and that all of our restaurants that we usually frequent now have prix fixe menu and hand out roses, and that's annoying. 

You know what?  Gahhh-leeee. I'm writing from a weird state this morning (weirder than texas), I think I need to have my coffee and work out already so that I can be my usual cheerful, subscriber of Pollyannaism, positive self. 

I'll leave you with the awesomeness that is my husband.  He made cards for each of his girls, and bought us our favorite flavor of bundt cakes and had it all set up for us at 6:45am in the morning.  We all lingered over our beautiful and heartfelt cards and savored our bundt cake with coffee (well, not the girls :) It was a great start to our day.  I don't need no stinkin' diamonds and furs ;)    If you're reading babe, I'm just kidding.

And, then upon pick up they enjoyed their love loot, as we call it.  The girls had a wonderful time sharing what they enjoyed about each of their friends and classmates and also receiving little notes, pencils, stickers, tattoos, seed packets, fruit rope, puzzle cards, decoder cards, and 3-d cards. 

I hope your day was fun and love-filled (at least like-filled) with something chocolatey and/or pink and red and at least can get a deal on V day candy today.

Needing coffee,
Barbie :)