Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wanna be a mommy or daddy? Try this.

I got this as an email forward and was laughing my arse off...

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing
tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream
because this would wake a child at night.

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for
anything they eat or damage.

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while
pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on
the floor.

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin
to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag
and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and
sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more
and sing these too until 4:00 a. m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get
up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint,
turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn
it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and
a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and
an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream
cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a
dime. Stick it into the cd player. Take a family size
package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.
Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be
directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home
and read it quietly for the last time.

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how
they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their
children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last
time you will have all the answers

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Take 2

Well, you all remember my post baby body break up right? Well.....we didn't completely break it off like I said I had. I was ashamed to admit it but the constant emails, texts, flowers (cookie bouquets of course) and all out reconciliation attempts finally got to me. We got back to together.

But, I am here to say that we have broken up for good this time. For reals. She has moved on to someone who really appreciates her and needs her (someone who doesn't know what a drag she really is yet). Someone else, not me.

What am I doing to remind myself that what we had together was just an illusion, a mirage, a downright downer you ask?????.........roller derby boot camp of course.

Yes, tonight I begin exercising with the Machete Betties. 2 hours of hard hitting fun. I will learn basic skating skills and derby skills such as falls, stops, and contact. I am in for a raucous good time, I just know it. I will need skates, pads (elbow, knee, and wrist), and a helmet. Doesn't that just scream fun?

Anyhow, I am going to try it out and try to get in shape with these gals.

Don't they look sweet?

If I don't make it back to the blog, you know what happened.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Yoo-hoo???'s *still* a Beach

I am from Miami, my children, are not. We live *near* Galveston Beach, Texas.
This is not like a beach from Miami (please, don't be mad at me Texans).
I am not dogging the beach, or trying not to anyway.
Anyhow, it doesn't matter, look at them....they don't seem to care that they are swimming in yoo-hoo.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Thousand Word Thursday (TWT)

TWT game- Leave a comment with what you think the subjects are saying/thinking.

Happy Thursday.....sorry I was so late today :(

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

It's in the jeans

My daughter eats and loves pizza, the same way I do. It is my favorite food, actually it is my comfort food (as Carolina and I were discussing the other day). It is my "go to " food when I am happy, sad, angry, pms'ing, menstruating, ovulating....You get it.

I am convinced that in the first picture she is saying "why did I get this plate, I won't be needing it"

Doesn't she just look like she is enjoying this piece of pizza immensely? Yep, my daughter alright.

What is your comfort/go-to food?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thousand Word Thursday (TWT)

I lied, I guess I haven't jumped back on the blogging horse just yet. Argh. I want to and will. In the meantime, here is this week's twt. Thanks Cindy for request. She is a long time listener, first time caller.

Caption the picture with what you think the subjects are thinking or saying or both.

Happy Thursday!!!!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Thousand Word Thursday (TWT)

Thursday's TWT game :)
Caption the picture and what you think the subjects are thinking or saying.

PS....these are girls I heart too.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Big Love

We have HBO's show Big Love on our Netflix queue. We have been getting it now and have watched all of season 1, we are about to begin season 2. Fascinated (even though it is a show I believe loosely based on real life, I also believe creators did a lot of research on it)about the idea, practice, or divine calling which is polygamy (the practice or condition of having more than one spouse, esp. wife, at one time).

There are moments in the show, when I am like...."yes, totally into polygamy" and other times when I am like "Oh Hell, No".

Yes times-

*other people cooking for me
*other people taking care of my kids
*having time alone every three nights (read a book, or chat with, friends. sister wife friends)
*great looking family photos
*always someone to talk to and vent to
*I could be first wife
*great blog fodder

Hell, No times-

*sharing husband, I guess this is the really big no
*fighting with other women who are as smart and as "womanly" as you
*dealing with other people's pms other than mine
*cooking for many other people
*taking care of other sister wives' kids
*if I were second or third wife
*having to consult 10 people for anything we do
*having to lie to everyone we meet and not being able to have anyone over to visit because we have a plural marriage and household.

So as you can see, luckily, we don't live in Utah, and are not Mormons. I would have said "no way jose" before seeing the actual show, and now, I will just say "No, thanks".

There are also times when Michael says Yes! and No!!!! to the idea of polygamy. We can all imagine what his list would look like.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have.....polygamy, polygamy.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Clown Bear Escentuals

You see the commercials, you see them at the cosmetic counter, you see them at target, you see them on your you give it a try.

Am I the only one who does not know how to actually wear mineral makeup? I find that no matter how minuscule the amount that I manage to pick up with my brush, I end up looking like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. Not only is it difficult to put on for me but it leaves a hell of a mess on the counter, sink and my clothes. I like the concept and I appreciate how concentrated the product is, but, let's face it, operator error.

So what does a girl in the 2000s do to get educated about a subject? Class? Yes, you in the back? Exactly, get a Youtube tutorial.

Ahhhh, I should swirl it in.