Dear Post Baby Body,
I want to start by saying that I appreciate you having been here with me. You housed my Athena and Saylor before they were born, birthed them (we don't need to go into details as to how you accomplished that) and fed them when they arrived and months there after. You did this all yourself and I look to you with astonishment, amazement and reverence. I thank you.
I am, however, starting to realize that you...... sort of cramp my style. I don't mean that in a bad way, but, I have come to the realization that I don't want you to live here anymore. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, but, really, you've overstayed your welcome.
I will give you ample time to get your "things"......you know.....the flabby middle, the wider/saggier ass, the untoned arms, and please don't forget to look in the back there and get your back fat....thanks. Call me a romantic but, please leave the stretchmarks.....I don't want to totally forget you and that we were an item.
Listen, no hard feelings right?. I want you to go and know that you and I had some good years together and our memories will last a lifetime. Please forgive yourself, and me, for any 'mistakes' we made along the way... and remember that we both have grown immensely through being together (me a little more than I would have liked even)...but the time has come to move on.
Farwell. See ya...wouldn't want to be ya.
PS....Don't let the door hitcha where the dog bitcha.