Monday, January 12, 2009

It's Me, Not you.

Dear Post Baby Body,

I want to start by saying that I appreciate you having been here with me. You housed my Athena and Saylor before they were born, birthed them (we don't need to go into details as to how you accomplished that) and fed them when they arrived and months there after. You did this all yourself and I look to you with astonishment, amazement and reverence. I thank you.

I am, however, starting to realize that you...... sort of cramp my style. I don't mean that in a bad way, but, I have come to the realization that I don't want you to live here anymore. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, but, really, you've overstayed your welcome.

I will give you ample time to get your "things"......you know.....the flabby middle, the wider/saggier ass, the untoned arms, and please don't forget to look in the back there and get your back fat....thanks. Call me a romantic but, please leave the stretchmarks.....I don't want to totally forget you and that we were an item.

Listen, no hard feelings right?. I want you to go and know that you and I had some good years together and our memories will last a lifetime. Please forgive yourself, and me, for any 'mistakes' we made along the way... and remember that we both have grown immensely through being together (me a little more than I would have liked even)...but the time has come to move on.

Farwell. See ya...wouldn't want to be ya.

Love,
Bar-b

PS....Don't let the door hitcha where the dog bitcha.

12 comments:

Threeboys1mommy said...

Remind her to get a Facebook account so y'all can keep in touch.

That was a great one.

Eudea-Mamia said...

I think I would have to say goodbye to the stretchmarks as well.

I'm impressed you're sentimentally attached. I've worked my bootie off to get most everything back to some proximity of the original arrangement, only to be mocked by those damn stretchmarks.

Still can't wear a two piece!!

Kami said...

Unlike you, I would love to say arivaderche to the stretch marks too...and the rest of it too. Boot camp works but it's not very much fun!

:)

Auds at Barking Mad said...

*lol* at Threeboys1mommy'scomment...so true.

They always say that breaking up is hard to do. As I look at my own back fat and ass the size of China, as well as my Midas Man rolls, I think maybe I need to write one of these letters myself!

BTW- TB1M sent me and I will definitely be back.

Wendy@RuensOnTheRun said...

SuperMommy sent me here - This post is Funny, funny, funny!!

Domestic Goddess..Diva sometimes said...

I still have my post baby body...3 years later! Wish my hips, butt and belly were like before. Alas, they are not!

The Wife O Riley said...

LOL!! And take mine with ya!

Carrie said...

Unfortunately, I still have a pre-baby body.

Don't hate me...

Carrie said...

How did I keep my pre-baby body?

I was fat before I had my baby.

hehehe

Cindy said...

lettuce leaves here we come! she'll have Lots of friends where she's going...its one big ice cream party there!

Patty said...

this was great. it's the same exact thoughts i have on a daily basis!

Aubrey said...

Carrie is SO crazy! LOL

Mind if I copy & paste and tweak this letter a bit? I'd like to send this overnight mail to my Post Baby (now Toddler) Body.