There are the Doers and the Buyers

and never the twain shall meet.  This is the way that I categorize my mom friends...or maybe just my friend friends.  Nothing brings this more to light and the disparity between the two than good ol' halloween.  My daughter asked to be a cardinal for halloween (I quickly realized that it was not the leading dignitary of the Roman Catholic Church, nominated by the pope, but, the bird).  My first thoughts were 1. where do I buy that, 2. can I buy it off of the St. Louis Cardinals' website, 3. how much is this damn thing going to cost, 4. I need a coupon code for costume stores......and the frenetic thoughts continued. So, I'm telling my friends (here is where the divide is so apparent) and some of their eyes light up......(and their frenetic and oh-so-crafty minds begin)..."you are going to have SO much fun doing it.  well, you could get a red leotard, and you can get wings and glue feathers, yes, beautiful red feathers.  And of course you'll need tights and oh my gosh maybe a red shaggy haired wig.  Then a beak, you'll need  a beak...you can go and get ice cream cones and then have her string it to her......"   I tune out a bit, but, am marveled at them (yes, plural, more than one). I listen and look on like this

It doesn't faze them, bless their hearts, they are so awesomely passionate about it. When I tell them, "thanks (insert one of the MANY names of people that were jazzed about doing it themselves), but hell no will I be doing it myself".  I'm buying that bitch. 

After their

                                     
look back at me, I quickly realize that we are who we are and that's all there is to it.  
                                              


My inutility and uselessness does not end there, birthday parties are in this category too.  I don't make jack.  I buy it all at etsy (where the doers dwell), while my mom friends are baking cakes, taking classes to bake said cake (if they have a challenging theme), making homemade invitations, blah blah blah.  While I do covet these folks so very much, I am immediately thinking who can bake, and decorate cake or cupcakes, where I can order invitations from, and if there is enough money in the budget to have a photographer at the party, because I can't be bothered.

So really what I have just realized whilst blogging is that the doers and buyers are really the ying and yang, the cookies and milk, the wind beneath my cardinal wing.  Symbiotic relationship, fo shizzle.  Well shoot, I'm part of an ecosystem.  Cool, I don't feel so useless now.

So, there are the "doers" and the "have somebody else do it' ers" and I am perfectly ok being the latter.  We all have a place in this big, wide world.  Moral of the story...tally up the prices of the material, gas to get to the store, and the creativity fee, and I'll buy it from you.

Mushy Post

Mother's Day has come and gone this year.  It has always been that this is the day that you show and shower your own mother (or mom-like figure) in your life with adulation and love.   It was no different this year.  The only thing was that this year, I have begun to feeeeeel differently about what mothering/parenting is all about.  I also have this growing respect and reverence to my own  mother.  It's like, you know you love your mother and always have, but, now its like you share this experience with her.   How can I manage to love my mother more after becoming a parent?  Weird, right, but, you just can't believe that your mother loves you like you love your children.  It's an immeasurable, immense, full body kinda love. 

I think each year you grow in your parenting and seem to become more sure footed about certain things.  My poor first born, is still our beloved guinea pig though.  She gets our first go around with a topic or situation, but, we also feel more confident that we can handle things.  Our focus has turned somewhat away from her physical needs and shifted more to her emotional/character/morals/ and relationship needs.  The cool thing is that it seems my 3 year old is riding the 5 year old's draft.  So what was a huge deal for us when Athena was 3, isn't such a big deal with Saylor at 3.  We're more relaxed and therefore, easier to see things that are actually important and those that aren't.

I wanted to thank my daughters for being perfection.  I am honored to co-parent them.  I am lucky that they chose us and that we get to experience them.  I want to thank Athena for making me a mother, and for Saylor who complements and completes our family.  And, I want to thank both of them for making me WANT to be a mother. 

Finally, I want to thank you mom, for before, now and for whats to come.

Told you.  Mushy post.

   

Sole Mate

Long story short, second day back at the gym after a long hiatus.  I work out, shower, get ready for my day (remember this post?) and leave the gym.  I return home to find that in my bag there is only one sneaker.  I go back to the gym and *poof* gone, no shoe anywhere and nothing in the lost in found, or in the garbage.  I lost one of my damn shoes!  Second day back.  Ugh.  So it goes.

I leave the front desk person my phone number and a description of my shoe ala missing person.  "It was blue and silver, new balance, size 8 1/2, with double knotted shoe laces. Last seen in the locker room". The diffident front desk person writes my name and number on the corner of a group exercise class schedule.  He is soooooo not going to call me.  My sneaker is a goner.  The quicker I come to terms with this, the quicker I can move on.

So, after I get back in my car, now I'm pissed b/c I have to go and get a new pair.  I dislike unnecessary purchases, dislike them very much.  All of a sudden though, instead of being angry, I start to think about the shoe that was left behind.  My mind starts to wander and I start to personify this left, left shoe.  I mean I won't be using it anymore, it's not like I'm Terry Fox or anything.  So, now I am really thinking and empathizing with my poor lone sneaker.  I start to day dream  drive....


 If my sneaker were to write a personal ad, I feel it would be something like this....

Seeking sole mate.  Love to take long walks, and short ones too.  Love the outdoors and consider myself a morning person.  Doesn't matter what race you are, I love them all.  Looking for attractive, and athletic build.  Ideal mate would love to just run around town with me, and experience life's "hi's" and "lo's".  Only those that take pride in themselves and are odor and disease free need apply.  Should like Zumba, spinning and boot camps.  Must be spontaneous and willing to try new things.  Needing someone who has no commitment issues.  Only original personalities, no fakes or knockoffs, not too flashy but with a sense of style

 

Seeking someone that can meet me where the rubber meets the road.  So, if you want to take a step in the right direction, contact me.  Please include a recent picture.

Kurkure

It means crack cocaine in Sanskrit.        No?   It doesn't?  Oh.  *shrugging shoulders*  Welp, it should.  I have just found this snack that I am COMPLETELY addicted to (and so is Athena).  It is a grown up version of a Cheeto. These crunchy strands are similar to Cheetos, but have an Indian masala twist. They have a slight bite and tangy taste. There is no coincidence here, it is actually part Frito Lay's Indian division.

Now, I am so addicted that Athena and I MAY  have had that for breakfast the other day.  With a tall glass of milk, of course. Saylor ain't havin' it though.  "too spicy.  I don't like it.  I want oatmeal."  The gall of that girl to want breakfast food FOR breakfast.

In some part of my brain, I am justifying this snack as another opportunity to expose the girls' palates to new foods, when in reality......its an Indian Cheeto.


Now, these snacks are SUPER popular in India but are just being introduced to the mass american market in recent times. You know us Americans will need a "It ain't easy bein' cheesy" -Chester Cheetah kind of clevah advert for us to try their foods.

Somehow though, I don't think that

or

will prompt too much creativity, but we'll see.....

There IS this

and 

so we'll just have to wait and see.


In the meantime it just makes me want to do this......

Why I love Tina Fey

Prayer For Her Daughter

 

 First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short - a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day - And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

-An excerpt from Tina Fey's new book -Bossypants, 2011

I really f%&*@ it up this time

Athena is 5.  Athena reads.   Reads really well.   She is into chapter books and spelling and just all around interested in reading, words, and their relationship with us.

So, whats shes been doing lately is grabbing the cd booklets and singing along to songs in the car.  It's awesome, to hear her little voice just singing the words.  This is something that I can't do, because I seem to be missing that gene.  You know the one.  The one that sings the correct lyrics, knows song titles, etc. I'm all about how the song feels and how it makes me feel.  Unlike people, like my sister, who are totally into wooooords, their meeeeaning and composition, blah blah blah.

Well, my name is Barbie and I am addicted to Mumford and Sons.  Listening to it non stop recently.  Never ever paid attention to the words (I know, a sacrilege to those of you who 1. listen to lyrics, 2. think of it more like poetry). 

Now to bring it all home.....

Imagine me and the girls driving with the windows down in our car, with Mumford and Sons blaring and Athena reading/singing along to Little Lion Man.  All of sudden I hear her say  "but it was not your fault but mine and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?  Then I hear Saylor repeat it and all of a sudden, BOTH girls are all singing along loudly "but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line,  I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?  At first I was like whoa, THAT'S what it says, then I was like whoa, THAT'S what it SAYS??? I didn't want to react to it obviously, but I knew the question was coming......

and then there it was...


Athena- Mama, what does "fucked it up this time" mean.

Saylor- "fucked it up this time?"

speaking to myself......Barbie, don't fully acknowledge (just like that you haven't blogged for two months)

Me- It means they really messed up, made a mistake.

Saylor- Oh.

Athena- messed up? what do you mean?

Me- no more calm, cool and collected pep talk   Ok, listen, it's a "boss" word.  Only to be used by adults.  In fact, lets just listen to another song.

Athena- No, no, I want to hear #7, the "fucked up song".

Me- Athena, that is an adult word.  Please don't repeat it.

Athena- Oh, only bosses can say it?

Me- Yes, love.

Athena- So, only bosses drink coffee, martinis, wine and soda, and can say the words "fucked up this time"?

Me- oh my god.   Yes, love.

DOES ANYONE WANT TO HEAR BARNEY??????????  Well, I  do!




For the rock dwellers....

Thousand Word Thursday (TWT)

Welcome to Thousand Word Thursday, TWT

What are these subjects saying/thinking?

Happy Thursday and Happy Commenting ;)

Necessity is the Momma of all Invention

As y'all know I have a three year old. I am a huge fan of the 3 day potty training method by Lori Jenson. I had my 5 year old "trained" in 2.5 days when SHE was three, so I know it will work. The only thing is that it is a pretty intense 3 days. You and your partner (or care provider) have to buckle down for a few days for potty boot camp. It is intense, and exhausting, but super worth it.

So, back to my new 3 year old. I had planned on finishing with the diapers that I had just bought at Disneyworld, er, Costco before beginning the "training". About 4 days ago, my husband says "hey, we need diapers, I am going to stop and get some" and I said "Nooooooooo, don't. I'm waiting for these to finish so that I can start with Saylor". He said "oh, great idea, ok".

So, well, life gets fast and there are oversights here and there of course, there are also unanticipated things that come up, right? right.

Cue in last night....................

We are sorta yelling to each other because Michael is downstairs and I'm upstairs, playing Jenga or something.

Michael- Are there any diapers up there?

Me- No, none up here. Why?

Michael- Well, I need one for Saylor.

Me- Oh shoot, I forgot that we were going to start after these diapers were gone. Check the school bag.

Michael- checked, there aren't any in there. I'll just go get some.

Me- *while balancing my tower* No, no! I'm going to train her soon. Just, check the car.

Michael-not in the trunk, babe.

Me- Glove compartment (well, I'm in Texas, so "gun compartment")?

Michael-nope.

Me-oh my gosh. What do we do???????

MacGyver-Don't worry guys. I've got it.......




PLUS




It was all we had. Her sister's panty and one of my sanitary napkins. I adhered it to the underwear and let it flap its wings. Michael was in disbelief. I think he thought I was pre. tty. cool. Saylor was laughing when I put it on her, but she still wore it throughout the night! I love what a cool cat she is. The best part is that it actually worked!

I mean isn't that what a diaper is? A sanitary napkin shaped underwear?

So, here I am sharing this information with the blogosphere. If I can help just one parent, then I've done my job.

Anyhow, needless to say, we did it once more when we changed her this morning, but Michael ended up going to buy a small pack to get us to the weekend.

Tortoise and the Hair

So, we've basically become experts at doing things efficiently and trying to maximize our outings/events. Almost every place I go to doubles as something else and you get to get more done in less time than it would take you to go to each place individually.

Get gift cards at grocery stores, get gas at the car wash, eat dinner at the movies, cook a meal (in the crock pot) while you leave your house, or renting a movie at the redbox while you wait for your prescriptions. I sometimes sing "trans. formers.....more than meets the eye" in my head.

All we're doing is attempting to save time and multitask, right?. Some say multitasking is actually a misnomer. Your brain hasn’t evolved to deal with consciously processing multiple streams of data, such as listening to someone talk on the phone while you check your email and try also to keep one ear open for tidbits of an interesting conversation nearby. What we call multitasking is actually a process of switching attention rapidly among a number of different activities.

Confirming this finding is an experiment where subjects were asked either to check their email and then write a report — the tasks performed sequentially — or to do both tasks at the same time. The multitaskers took one and a half times as long in total than those people who did one task and then another.

Anyhow, back to my anecdote.

So, my hair is stick straight. Obnoxiously so. When I realized (years ago) that my blow dryer was doing nothing other than blowing hot air onto my hair while I ran my fingers through it I immediately thought of "blow drying" my hair....................................using the heater in the car! I know, you're aghast, but, IT WORKS. I do this so much and am so successful with it, that my daughter's both know that this is what I do. They anticipate it when I get into the car with my damp hair and my 5 year old begs me to open up a window for them to "breathe fresh air".

Well the other morning, I was using the trusty heater to dry my hair and I was at a red light (which is when I really give it volume by drying it upside down and where I get my longest stares) and Saylor was in the back seat.

Conversation went like this.............

Saylor- "momma hair"

Me- "yes, momma's drying her hair"

Saylor-"no, momma, hair, ugh"

Me- "yes, doesn't momma look crazy drying her hair?"

Saylor- "Momma! (I swear her face looked like she wanted to say Yo, Bitch!) Hair in my mouth! Momma's hair, in my mouth! Look! "

I reach back to her and grab this long ass, brown hair that had already wrapped around her tongue, from her mouth. I actually had to stop the car and help her remove the hair from her throat.

I couldn't help but laugh and then she did too.

I'm really not angry

The kind of shit a parent does and the predicaments that a parent is put in, is really only understood by another parent. I mean even the awesome stuff (to you) is hard to relay. You try to explain to your friends who are single or don't have children about your activities or doings with your family/children and they want to understand you and they want to share in your experiences, but, they just can't. I mean, I couldn't when I didn't have kids.

I actually said to my friends once, "I know you have three kids, but I work and go to school and I make the time to call you". Ummm, no. Dearest old Barbie-without-children, it isn't the same. At all. Your friend was in a whirlwind of activity and could not eke out the time to talk to you (without interruption). What your friend wasn't telling you back then (amongst so many other things) was that she barely shaved anymore, and took showers now, not baths.

I had a friend tell me the other day...."My husband and I have been so crazy busy. We have had like NO TIME to ourselves. We've been to two birthday parties, and a wedding and we even had to go out to have drinks with some old friends that passed through town". I had to literally hold back tears and laughter concurrently. Michael and I DREAM of being that wonderfully busy again. We used to have Saturdays and Sundays and M-o-r-n-i-n-g-S all to ourselves. We did with them what we pleased, and never what we didn't. We'd "complain" about how we were "tired of eating brunch at the same place" and other ridiculous statements like that.

Another friend (sans bundles of joy) said to me "I got out of bed so. early. last saturday, 9:00am, for no good reason either". No, see....9:00am is already mid morning snack at my house. Puzzles have been constructed, train tracks have been made and trains have ridden on them, toast has been buttered, dust busters have been used and a time out or two have already been doled out. In fact, we wake up sooooo early in my house, that we can't even go out drinking or dancing the night before (and enjoy it) because I am perpetually calculating the maximum amount of hours I will sleep that night.

Now, I didn't want to this to be a bitch post because, well, that's tacky. And all of you know how much we enjoy our spectacular girls.

In conclusion (not really, b/c you know I'll talk about this again)....

Today, I had my newly 3 year old daughter brush my hair, with this....

during her 5 year old sister's ice skating lessons. You ask (well not all of you)...but why? that's gross? but I don't get it, she brushed your hair with the stem of her snack? ewwwww.

It kept her quiet for 20 minutes. 20. minutes.

So, don't worry, I'm really not angry, I just wanted to post what I was feeling today.

What are some things that you cannot believe that you do now that you have kids and if you're reading and don't have kids...what will "you never do?"

PS....please, please, please (I promise to not laugh) write me when you find yourself doing JUST that :))))))

Thousand Word Thursday (TWT)

I can't believe I haven't posted in a whole week. It is Thursday again and therefore, another TWT post.

Here's an oldie but goodie.

Comment on what you think the subjects are thinking or saying.
You can do both, either or neither (I'm not the boss of you :)

Happy Thursday Y'all!

Thousand Word Thursday

Click here to view these pictures larger

What are these subjects saying/thinking? Welcome to Thousand Word Thursday, TWT

Happy Thursday and Happy Commenting ;)

First, Pluto's demotion, now this.

The cheesy pick up line, "what's your sign?" may now have to be, "what's your new sign?" Or better yet....“Hey, baby. What's my sign?”. The zodiac signs have shifted is what Parke Kunkle (of the Minnesota Planetarium Society) is saying. The astronomer told the Minneapolis Star-Tribune that during the last three thousand years the Earth’s axis had shifted almost 10 degrees, which caused the alignment of the stars to move up to about a month and therefore affected the astrological signs that were established five thousands years ago by the Babylonians.

w. t. f.

I mean, it's like your parents dropping the bomb at 36, that you're adopted. It's like, huh? I 've been living my entire life thinking that I was this and now I'm that? Whoa.


But wait there's more....if you call within the next thirty minutes, you'll get a thirteenth zodiac sign for free. Yep, a whole NEW zodiac sign. Ophiuchus. Gesundheit. No, no, this is the new zodiac sign. It is wedged between Scorpio and Sagittarius. What are the traits of Ophiuchus horoscope?

The 13th sign of the zodiac, unlike the other 12 signs is actually associated with a real person. In the 27th Century BCE in Ancient Egypt lived a man known as Imhotep. Imhotep was known as ‘Aesclepius’ by the Ancient Greeks, however the attributes are the same under either name. One of Imhoteps abilities was healing and it is said that it was he who introduced it to mankind. His accomplishments also included a wide knowledge of medicine. The serpent or snake symbol which is still used today to symbolize the medical profession was also used to represent Imhotep. Below is a list of attributes associated with the Serpent Holder, Imhotep i.e Aesclepius. The descriptions below are associated with the 13th sign - Ophiuchus.

• Many people are envious of this subject as he progresses well throughout life.
• A seeker of wisdom and knowledge
• Many people are jealous of this person
• Tends to go for the more flamboyant in dress sense, favouring bright colours.
• Authority looks upon him well.
• Would make a great architect or builder.
• Number 12 is this persons lucky number.
• This person will have a big family but leave home at an early age.

Can't you just see the keychains, tee shirts, and coffee mugs with this on it? Or new serpent tattoos that people born from NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17 will be sporting? Of course they'll all be redone from their present Sagittarius, Archer tattoo.

This is the Zodiac as some astrologers believe it should be:

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

Whatever. Super confusion is all I say. So all I have to do is recalculate my horoscope, my husband and my family's and Bob's your kunkle.

Not even gonna bore you....

with excuses as to why I haven't been around. Been thinking aboutcha, though. And I am also not going to talk about why the last couple of posts on the blog have been about my daughter's both using their anatomically correct verbal skills. Coincidence? Nope. One entry jogged the memory of another. simple.

Now, lots has gone on in the past ohhhhhh 2 months. But, again, not gonna bore you with reasons and excuses as to why I haven't been able to get words on el blogo, you people deserve more.

So...*KABLAM POW* the new year comes around and I'm wanting to get back onto blogging. We also now have much faster internet and I am not so frustrated waiting around for a picture or video to load.

So, I will blog again this year. Not because I have to, but, because I want to.

And, I am reinstating TWT (Thousand Word Thursday) because I loved it.

Be back after these messages from our sponsors..........