Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Epi(scream like a banshee)Lady

I was in bed and having a slight bout of insomnia and the thought of the epilady comes to my mind. I didn't want it there but it was there and it lingered around for a while.

I was remembering how badly I wanted this little machine. It was the bees knees back in middle school and I had it on every "wish" list I could muster.

One Christmas, I finally receive the epilady and thought it was so cool.

I was so cool.

I mean come on, I had the power of an electric hair removal system in my hand. It looked smart, it was ergonomically designed to feel smart and the commercial was awesome. I was so stoked, I pulled up my pajama pant bottom and looked at my hairy leg. I was so excited to (in a circular motion) to remove my unwanted hair.

*******This thing was barbaric.*******

I did not know about wine and percocet at age 12, but, I think you truly would need this when using. The pain (to me) was enormous. For those of you who don't remember (or have blocked out of your memory), this thing had a coil like this...

and it would rotate around and "catch" the hairs and pluck them out for you. It was like a tweezer on a treadmill (not sure how that would work, but you get where I'm going). You went too slow you would be in agonizing pain, you went too fast you would just graze over your hair. Moving the rotating spring across the skin caused the hairs to be "caught up" in the spring and pulled out the hair. Ugh, I cringe just remembering that thing.

I used it for a good 34 seconds and promptly put it back in the box and swore I would try again. I had to. It was an epilady folks. I knew I needed to use after bath or shower, pull skin taught, start slowly, go in direction of hair growth (did this even matter), and use moisterizing cream.

I never touched the thing again.

I was terrified.

That thing sat in it's box with all of it's bells and whistles forever. I have no clue what ever happened to that epilady, I just know that I hope some of you remember this and can share your experiences with me.

You do remember right?

I need to go to sleep.

17 comments:

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

Yes! I remember this damn horrible machine!! My sisters talked me into using it on my legs. I came unglued!! This was a horrible invention!

KARMINA said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Susan

http://ovarianpain.net

~Corey said...

Girl yes! I think an epidural would make it more enjoyable. I used mine once for about 10 seconds. Then, my mother decided she'd use it because of the money spent to buy the silly thing. Well, I think she too only used it once for about 10 seconds.

Maybe we should send all the unused epiladies to Homeland Security for when they have the need for "special treatment."

Jelly said...

Seriously??? You must have been sending me vibes. I tried Veet tonight for the first time.
Last time.

Mussa frussa.

I, too, had the epimakealadyscreaminpain.

SarahIsabel said...

Oh I remember the commercials but was never lucky enough to have my own. I do remember trying to shave my legs for the first time when I was about 13. No one told me to use hot water and soap.

--s

christyzee said...

LOL..I still have one packed away somewhere if you ever get the urge to try it again! I remember a story very similar to yours...I begged for the dang thing over and over, when I finally got it, I think MAYBE a total of 2 times that thing seen the light of day.
blessings...

Aubrey said...

Possible one of the WORST lady beautifying invention EVER.
Oh how I remember even though I wish I could forget!
LOL

A* said...

I remember it and remember thinking to myself - that cannot be good. Never tried it and so glad. You know a man invented that piece of torturous crap!

Tia said...

I am now glad that I never owned or tried one of these! OUCH!

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