Something interesting happened to me today. I realized how I have somehow stepped over a new threshold of mother/parenthood. A new world, it seems. Something that I hadn't truly noticed that had happened because it seemed so gradual and so sloooooow moving.
The last two days, I've been taking the girls to organized play places, like the ones where you pay admission to go to and you go bring snacks, a change of clothes, diaper bag, cameras, and your fellow 'mom' friends. I haven't done this in a long time because even though I have young(ish) children, they're both in school now, so our weekday mornings aren't left to our imagination anymore. It's all cool, the girls are so happy while learning and flourishing at school versus just at home. In the summer, its a different story and the city is once again our play place. It's been fun to check out our old stomping grounds and find new spots.
What I observed in myself AND in others was eye opening. The mom that I am today as one of a 7 & 5 year old is markedly different than the mom I was when the girls were 2 & 0 or 3 & 1 or even 4 & 2. I remembered today who that person was. I saw (old) me in them. The doe eyed, anxious, casually dressed, booger cleaning, snack packing, diaper checking, milestone comparing, hooter hiding, recipe exchanging, baby chasing, nap time lusting, and morning time activity filler. I mean, I've written entries upon entries about these experiences.....mommy dating, potty training, nursing, spitting up, play dates good, play dates not-so-good, goofy stories (Oh wait, I still do that ), pictures pictures and more pictures. What I noticed was that I had blogged about these new experiences voraciously early on and I couldn't wait to share the next experience/interpretation of what it was like to have two small children in the world. It was so new to me, so mind blowing. I've done a ton of stuff it my life, experienced a lot, been open to life and the world and people. Unafraid and brave of all that this life had to offer.
Having children and staying at home with them was the most (hands down) humbling experience ever. Brought my ass to its knees.
What I've noticed throughout the years is that the blogging has dwindled (as we got busier, as THEY got busier) and the posts became more about me and how I could focus on that "me". The dawn has broken, my friends. I am now thinking about returning to me. Back to Barbie. Albeit an eternally changed (and ever changing) Barbie, but, Barbie nonetheless. I can enjoy my girls, fully. I don't have to worry about trivial bodily functions as much. I know they can hold their pee if need be, I know they can have a snack from CVS in a pinch and I know that they are fully aware what either taking away a privilege or time out really means. I also am deeply aware that this is when things start to slip past you. This is what people say when they used to tell me (which I hated EVERY TIME SOMEONE TOLD ME), "it goes by like a blink of an eye". It feels like (get ready for an old time reference which if you get, you're my pal forever) I've been pushing my volkswagon bug to get it to a speed where you can just jump in and put it into second gear. It just starts to go.....ignites....starts to drive...on its own. This is where I feel I am at right now. So many years of pushing the VW, and I've just put it into second gear.
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As a Miamian, I'd like to compare this time to the eye of the hurricane. As anyone who has been involved in the magnitude that is a hurricane knows that there are three parts to it. As it passes over you, it has the first part, the storm, the water, rain, sounds, sights, scary, new. Then the second part, as the eye passes over you. Quiet, clear, calm, but temporary. The third part is the other side of the hurricane, similar to the first. Storm, water, rain.
Enjoy the ride, stock up on supplies as best you can and know that all of it is a gift.
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